Bedtime Exercises for Unwinding Chaos

I wrote this article for our younger son's school newsletter. It describes a few calming techniques I use to put our two sons to bed. May be useful and fun to other parents outside our direct circle of contact.

Bedtime Exercises for Unwinding Chaos

By the end of the day, our two boys have jumped around so much, they left a trail of havoc throughout the house. Our brains are in sheer chaos. When night falls, we just want to drop in bed and quickly fall asleep. Before that happens, however, we have, every night, to find out where they hid their on/off button. A few activities work fine for creating that needed transitional, soothing moment before their standby button is finally found: singing quiet songs, reading books etc. However, none has been as effective to calm our kids (and us) as a small set of fun bedtime exercises I adapted, based on self-massage, mindfulness and breathing techniques.

Even when our boys seem unstoppable at bedtime, these exercises quickly make their breathing slower and more regular. During those magical moments, I can feel all the mental clutter dissipate, as we mirror each other in a resonant state of peaceful serenity... yawn. This living evidence I witness as our kids transition from charged up into sleepy angels, supports academic studies made in the last decade or two, as described in books by people like John Kabat-Zinn (“Full-Catastrophe Living”) and Daniel Goleman (“Emotional Intelligence”). These books have shown that exercises like the ones I describe below, are effective ways of not only calming down, but also increasing awareness, confidence, resilience and performance in kids all ages 1-100.

Exercises are made with the child laying in bed and dim lights. Paced, guided breathing is essential. Apart from “finger and toe stretch”, all other 3 routines are repeated a few times to be effective.

Drop your bombs

• While holding your child's arms or legs up away from the mattress, ask them to let go,

• When you feel they have really let go, release their arms/legs, so they drop over the bed suddenly.

Squeeze, then let go

• Ask your child to raise arms, and pretend to be squeezing a ball of play dough,

• After 2 or 3 seconds, tell him to let go and drop the imaginary play dough on the bed.

• Use the same idea (but perhaps not the imaginary play dough) for squeezing, letting-go other parts of the body (eyelids, shoulders, mouth and jaw etc.

Fallen leaf breathing

• Pretend-play that a leaf is falling from a tree, and that your child should try and push it back up with his breath,

• Slowly sway one of your hands (the leaf) down and up, one direction at a time, as your child breathes in and out.

Finger and Toe Stretch

• Hold firmly the tip of a finger or toe, and rotate it in clock- and counter-clockwise directions, repeat with all fingers, toes.

• Hold a finger/toe firmly, bend it up, stretching back but without causing pain, hold for 1 or 2 sec, repeat with all fingers, toes, except thumb and big toe.

• Hold together all fingers or toes in a bundle (except thumb), one hand/foot at a time, pull back stretching as far as comfortable, hold for 2 or 3 seconds, and release.

With time, your child may do these exercises alone, whenever calming down is needed.

Further reading: Linda Lantieri, “Building Emotional Intelligence”. ISBN 978-1-59179-789-0. 2008. (See also www.lindalantieri.org).